


Too Old To Play

by baltshake



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Family, Implied Relationships, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 13:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3121280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baltshake/pseuds/baltshake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything always does seem so much more real in dreams. As though what stands before one can truly be reached and done or undone if only one were to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Old To Play

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in some hazy time after The Hobbit ends but a while before The Fellowship begins. Frodo's parents have either haven't died yet or never did in the first place.

Sometimes Bilbo liked to play pretend. His nephew Frodo was often the inspiration for this along with little Pippin and Merry whenever the two hobbit boys came over to visit. They wanted Bilbo to be a troll or a giant while they played as valiant adventurers carefully trespassing lands they should never tread in the hopes of finding new and interesting things. The children loved it when he spoke of the high mountains of treasure they would see upon entering a dragon’s lair and eyes were opened wide with awe whenever he spoke in his best impression of such a beast. Then they raced away squealing as he charged upon them and flapped his arms with roars tempered by laughter.

Yes, it was good to sometimes play pretend. It was easy to do so in the light of day when surrounded by carefree children who wanted to pass the day with interesting games. He was asked several times by them how he had come to know so much about adventures and gold and all the wondrous events he spoke of. But it wasn’t right to tell them such things about the world just yet. They were so young and a life full of hope and light stretched in front of them. Sparing them from the darkness that seeped into the cracks of their world could wait for another day and so he’d pat each boy on the head and send them back out to search for sneaky dwarves amongst the flowers.

But the threat of darkness and the loneliness that night spread allowed for a very different sort of pretend. In the comfort of his bed, he’d twist his body until he was straining against his blankets. With his body cradled thusly, his mind took over and gave him dreams of being held once again by embraces from the past.

The brothers Ur all hugged in the same way as though they each longed to encompass the recipient in their warmth and strength. There was a certain protective element to it as though they had recognized that Bilbo was both more hardened than steel and yet as delicate as glass when they had parted with him that last time.

Dwalin and Balin’s hugs were rather different. The former held his body stiffly as though he was unaccustomed to letting others so close. His hug was the shortest out of all of the rest. While Balin’s too was short, there was a more relaxed feeling from it and his shoulders were at ease in both giving and being given an embrace.

While they had been first hesitant to approach in a similar manner as the others, Oin and Gloin nevertheless took their turns in hugging Bilbo too. For such bulky dwarves, their arms felt almost like smoke as their touches were just a brush of contact. He wondered to this day if that marked their regret or if that was how they always embraced.

The Ri brothers were indistinct in their hugs. Dori held him for a long time but carefully like he was accustomed to handling those that were small and needed reassurance and love. Nori’s was strong and enough to make Bilbo almost gasp from the near pain of it before he was quickly released and thumped hard on the back. Ori’s seemed almost to be a combination of these two. While he certainly didn’t make Bilbo think he’d break his ribs, the young dwarf had clutched at him with an inner fierceness of his own and held him close with a feeling of such understanding that he ached and nearly succumbed to tears.

Though the memories were fading faster than the others, Bilbo’s dreams depicted the hugs Fili and Kili gave him with precise detail. They were rough and tumble boys who liked to pick him up and swing him around until he was shrieking and dizzy. Sometimes they liked to throw him over a shoulder and parade around while pretending to have justly “caught” him until Bilbo was laughing along and wriggling to be let down. Their hugs were hard but well meaning and showed all the love that was clear as day upon their faces.

Often, Bilbo awoke from these dreams with soft cries into the night and burning tears he’d thought had finally dried up. “My friends, oh, my friends!” was a call that was never met with any answer except maybe the wind or raindrops. If he played this game further, he could pretend that the noises were a company of thirteen thinking of piling into his house yet again to drag him off on another adventure. This time, he would have gone happily and agreed at once. He wouldn’t have even stopped to ask where they were going.

Throwing his blankets away from himself, he would leave his bedroom and make his way to his small writing desk by feel alone. Perhaps writing would let him stave of a visit from the last member of that doomed company. He thought that every night the dreams struck him and so on those nights a candle was lit and he began to recall his adventures. There were no blankets here to trick him into thinking he was being held. Nothing but well worn wood, ink, and a flickering flame.

But his fear of his dreams could not stop his longing even as he tried to deny it to himself. His eyes would sting and droop until his head was resting on his arms and the flame had burnt down so as to drown itself in wax. Again and again, he found that he didn’t need outside influences to trick him.

The hug he received from Thorin was clumsy as though he wasn’t used to giving them to people as short as the hobbit. There was obvious care in the gesture as he could feel all the familiar love that Kili and Fili so openly displayed when wrapped up in the dwarf king’s arms. This was safety. This was what devotion felt like. Even though it felt a bit too hard to be fully comfortable, Bilbo could relax in those arms and against that chest for a long time if given the opportunity. If he’d had the chance, he would have taken it eagerly.

The feeling of a blanket would frequently incorporate itself into these sorts of dreams. It would wrap around his back and shoulders and then be joined by a pair of arms and lips dancing amongst his curls to kiss his head. He could lean back against a chest he knew so well and sigh as heat filled him and kept him content. Perhaps fingers would rub against his sides or maybe a chin would drop onto his shoulder so he could feel a beard drag in a gentle nuzzle against his cheek. Perhaps.

He awoke from those dreams with a wet spot on his desk and the mouthed words of what he had hoped to say long ago when he had thought time and the world would be merciful. Bilbo would slowly sit upright and hug the blanket tighter around himself as he gazed at the mug of improperly steeped tea on his desk. Little Frodo did what he could when he stayed the night and the mercy was both clumsy and appreciated. It gave him an excuse to teach the boy more and pretend that life was always good to him too.

So he would pick up the mug and sip at the over-steeped tea with too much sugar and gaze towards the outside scenery where the world was rising. Though he knew he shouldn’t, he would open the window and listen to the wind bring long ago laughter and words to his ears and pretend some more before breakfast.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written for this fandom before and I know very little about the characters from what I remember from reading the book and the first movie. Comments would very much be appreciated!


End file.
